Bear is 15 and old.
Last week I make an appointment to learn more about ending his life. He was the kitten in our cat house, now he is the last one. He lost JoJo, the talking cat, a while ago now. He lost his mother Nekko last year. I sat vigil in her dying. It was 'natural' and did not seem too painful. It took several days. So hard and so easy the letting go.
Bear was lonely so we got two kittens- offspring from a feral colony. Harmony has almost been restored. I caught him napping with the little girl kitty Sister Smith (her charms being especially hard to resist). Bear is less enamored with her brother, Brother Wesson. (my sweetheart and I bought a house in West Oakland so decided that we needed some protection...get it?)
But my beloved Bear remains a cranky old cat. Diabetes has me shooting him up twice daily, when he can keep him food down. I have subcutaneous fluids that make him more comfortable too. It is hard to keep old cats - especially diabetic ones- hydrated.
He has rallied since I made that appointment. He is eating. But I have started the process of letting him go. A wordless affair...I look the same but I have had a quiet tsunami-sized shift in my heart.
Breathe in - receiving the flow; exhale - letting go of the flow.
We live in the pauses. That is all I know.
